One week and eight calls later, no repairman has darkened my door

I called Sears at 4:20 p.m. today to see what the status of my repair was. They've changed their login procedure so it took me two calls to get through. Now when you call and say "repair" it asks you if you want to know what time your repairman is coming. If you reply "yes," it will tell you your repair job is scheduled between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. So, since I already knew that and there were 23 minutes until my window expired, I had to call back.

On the second call, I was forwarded to "Randy." He told me that the repairman was at site six and I was site seven. He hastened to add that he did not know how long it would take the repairman to get through at site six. I asked him why I was last on the list yesterday and last again today. (Perhaps those who complain are booted to the end of the line - at this point, I'd believe anything.) He said he did not know, but he did inform me that the repairman had two more stops after mine, which mean there are two other unfortunates with spiraling blood pressure and non-working Sears appliances on the Front Range tonight.

I explained to Randy that, just like yesterday, I had to go pick my son up from camp and so I would not be here when the mythological Sears repairman arrived. I told him that we would have to reschedule since I had plans. He told me that the repairman might appear any time, which, by implication, means I'd have to leave my son in camp until the repair was complete. Unlikely.

I asked again to change the appointment, and he told me he would have to send me to the "clothes dryer" department. That was another new wrinkle in the endless hunt for the mythological repairman to honor the worthless extended warranty. So, off I went into hold land.

This time, I apparently landed in North America somewhere near Texas, and I spoke with a retired guy named "Bob." He had a reassuring twang and a folksy way of calming down irate customers like myself. He told me that if I would just hang on, the repairman would arrive. No can do - I love my son, and don't want to pay late fees to the camp for a lackadaisical Sears repairman who is apparently entranced with site 6 each day.

Bob then said the repairman could come back after I picked my son - late tonight. Now that is new - why was that not on the table last night, when I did not have plans? I had to turn it down tonight, because I did have plans, and, unlike the nonexistent Sears repairman who may never visit my house, I honor my commitments.

So, Bob offered to send him tomorrow. I said no, I had pre-existing commitments I was no longer willing to cancel for the whimsical Sears repairman. Ditto Monday. So, Tuesday, we will begin again. The same repairman - I did ask for another, but was turned down- will come out to my house between --- all together now -- 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. I will get a call narrowing the time frame down the night before. The technician will call the morning of to make sure we have a firm time. Oh, Bob. You had me going with that down home accent, but you're selling the same KoolAid as the rest.

I patiently explained how my very recent experience differed from his idealistic outline. Bob insists that the technicians can see the routing the night before. I said that may be true for some, but I could give him the names of the ones who could not, both in line management and in customer relations. He was puzzled, he said, since he had old-timers familiar with the system calling him starting about seven every night to ask him when they could expect their repairs the next day. He added all he could tell them was what number they were, but that gave them enough of a general idea that they could plan their day.

So, if you are silly enough to buy Sears appliances after reading all of this, and you somehow decide that an extended warranty makes more sense than lighting your money on fire and enjoying the glow, call Bob in "Kitchen" when things inevitably go sideways and your repairman is delayed by the desperate housewife at house 6. Bob says you cannot ask for him, but Sears folks say you cannot do lots of things - and the things they say you can do never materialize. So, ask for Bob and give him my regards if you get through.